30 Reasons Why 30 Will Be OK
Reason #17: So, I ran into my friend Evan at the gym today, and he's a super super nice bloke. The super nicest, and he has fond remembrances of being 30. I cornered him and recorded him saying the following:
"I wanna say Hi to my mom first, and I wanna thank everyone for all that they've done for me...You really don't have to hold the mike that close to my face."
No! I'm holding it close, I'm holding it close.
"You've really never used one of these iPhone-things before."
No! I have! Just not...this...part, whatever. (Because apparently the older I get, the less I know about pseudo technologically advance anythings.)
"OK, so what I was gonna say is being 30 is...awesome, or it was for me becauuuuuuse you have this freedom, and independence, but you also have this maturity and wisdom. So it's like the best of everything.
Uh-huh.
"But then the more responsibilities that add to the maturity if you were, say, 40..."
Uh-huhhhhh...
"It's a little less fun, but fulfilling in other ways."
Ah.
"Ways that don't involve Tuesday Drunken Brunches." At which point he leered at me.
And here's what I say to that:
A) Sound advice. Sounds lovely.
B) Thanks a lot, Evan, now I'm going to be dreading 40 for the next 10 years.
C) And I'm still totally having that drunken brunch. And it's gonna be awesome. Eat my maple syrupy shorts.
And all of this led me to a brilliant discovery...
Reason #18: ...I mean, can't I just lie? I can just become that chick who continually lies about her age. (Rather "lie within reason". I'm not gonna walk into an audition tomorrow and be like HEY, GUYYYYYYYYYYYYYS!!! I'M 18, LET'S GO CRAY-ZAYYYYYYY!!!! Nor will I be that 60 year-old chick begging for body shots because I'M 30, BITCH!!!!! WHO WANTS SOME TEQUILA IN THIS BELLY BUTTON?!?!)
Gross. A thousand times gross.
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