A Starving Little Engine That...Did.

Life is weird.

And surprising.

I'm a relentlessly optimistic person, but I clearly have my moments and occasionally forget about these happy little curveballs that get thrown out of nowhere--happy little surprises that you didn't ask for, but that you get just the same.  Like finding out that you're going to be an aunt.  That your best friend is moving your way.  You're getting promoted.

You're getting a second chance.

...

So, again, it's been assumed that that recurring role on Bored to Death went to someone who has a name.  Of course, totally fine, that kind of thing seriously happens all the time--no big deal.  I still had that opportunity, and I really do believe that I made the most of it.  But, now it's done.  ...

So, imagine my surprise when I got called back in to HBO two weeks ago.  For another role.  On the same show.

(And told next to NO ONE because I didn't want to jinx a thing.)

Holy shit, that means that I actually made an impression.  Right?  
Holy shit, my manager probably pulled really hard for me.
Holy shit, what if that means that they like me?! They really LIKE me?!

So, I play it down, poll my roommates on what they think a snobby foodie from the West Village would dress like and think to myself This is your second chance, Lady.  And you only have to say two lines--there's hardly a "wrong" way to say just two lines.  There's no way this won't be anything but good--but don't turn this into a big deal.  Yet.

And there I am, walking into the HBO building again (Holy shit.), down the same hallway and into the same elevator, past different posters this time (Lady Gaga. Good morning.)  and onto a different floor.

And somehow, I wasn't nervous.
Somehow, I felt almost unphased.
Somehow, it was just "fine".

I went into the room--and there was the same woman behind the camera as before.
Does she remember me?... She must, right?... Maybe not.  Nevermind.  It's fine.  Just do the damn thing.

And I did it.
And it was done in 30 seconds.
And then I was out again, in the world, wondering what the hell had just happened--but then, I brushed it aside.  Tried not to think about it.  Because I couldn't, right?  What was the point?

...

Funny thing about second chances:  they give you this opportunity to not only try again, but to approach the thing as like a fresh start, with a fresh brain, etc. And sometimes, it's just the thing that you need.  Your little gift.  Your happy little curveball.

...

I booked it :)