A Starving Artist Gives Thanks

Doctors appointments are just kinda whatever, right?  Like, everyone feels a certain way about having to visit medical professionals, doctors, clinic folk, what you will. Some people approach them with anticipation, just wanting to walk in the door so that they can hear some kind of good news.  Some people cannot walk towards a medical facility without breaking out into sheer panic.  Personally, I've never really felt one way or the other about it.

However, I will say that it's a scary thing walking into an appointment that you've been dreading for over half of your life.

It's actually downright terrifying.

However, the relief that washes over you once you leave said appointment (happily, without a stamp of doom on your forehead) is brilliant.  It's practically epic, it's exhilarating. 

So on Wednesday, I found myself exiting this building walking through Union Square feeling weightless and relieved and giddy.  All the things.

And all I could think of to say, all I legitimately could think of to say was Thank you.  Just Thank You, and for everything.

I understand that this might sound lame, but it is completely and totally honest.

And, of course, the next day would be Thanksgiving.  And, of course, everyone's been doing these "I'm Thankful"-posts on the Book of the Face.    So I thought, UGGGGGGGGGH, god.  ...You should totally do that.  

And honestly, I never do.  I never come right out and express these things, expressures of gratitude, and that's kind of surprising.

It's time.

...

The following is a list of things that I have found to be thankful for, based on the past 6 months alone:

I am thankful for wine.

I am thankful for wine and chocolate.

I am thankful for 5-star Michelin restaurants, establishments where wine and chocolate are served really elegantly.  And for beautiful friends who have beautiful birthday dinners in such extravagant settings.

I am thankful that I can be clearly out of place in such settings, clearly, and embrace it.  Knowing that the standard fancy clientele is having far less fun.

I can thankfully vow that I will never settle to be the gal that has "far less fun".

I am thankful that I still find peanut butter and jelly to be a perfectly acceptable meal.

I am thankful for pedicures.

I am thankful for finding a great pair of heels.

I am thankful for finding great running shoes.

I am thankful to live on top of a park where I can traipse about in said running shoes, and get lost in the hills and trees and lushy lushness that all seem so not-New York....amongst a sea of weird crazies that are the very definition of "I'm a fuckin New Yorker, motherfucker."

I am thankful to have a day job.

I am thankful to only have one day job.  (Finally.)

I am thankful that I refuse to be defined by my day job.

I am thankful for the Avon Foundation.

I am thankful to have been born to the most amazing, buoyant, hilarious, inspirational woman that ever was.

I am thankful to know so many wonderful people who care enough to support both her memory and a cause that I care so very deeply about.

I am thankful for Lori, Marisa, Colleen, Brad, Adrienne, my cuzzies, my aunt, and that guy I date.

I am thankful to be able to say I walked a marathon and a half in two days, and to feel crazy enough to want to do it again.  (And again.  And again.)

I am thankful to have a manager.

I am thankful for voice-overs.

I am thankful that I know the difference between a British dialect and a Texan one.

I am thankful for so-easy-a-caveman-can-do-it website templates.  And even thankfuller that some of them are FREE.

I am thankful to have friends who are new(er) to the city, babes even.  Thankful to know them, to love them, and to watch them kick more professional ass than I ever thought possible.

(I'm thankful that I feel that much more obscenely proud than jealous of said ass-kicking friends.)

I am thankful for best friends, pregnant bellies, and babies.

I am thankful for the people who name their children brilliant things like "Matisse", "Truth", and "Sequoia".  You guys provide the example of yet what one more thing I aspire to never ever be.

I am thankful for birth control.

I am thankful for Pinterest.

I am thankful for YouTube.  And The Gregory Brothers.  And Epic Rap Battles of History.

I am thankful for Aaron Paul.  Let's be real, I'm thankful to have finally found Breaking Bad, a show that both totally terrifies and completely inspires me.

I am thankful for Upright Citizen's Brigade, an environment that both totally terrifies and completely inspires me.

I am thankful that I'm almost finding it fun to be scared.

I am thankful for the days that have me running between multiple auditions.

I am thankful for the days that leave me with fuck-all to do.  And I'm thankful for the people (ie: my boyfriend) that reaffirm that that's completely ok.

I am thankful that I know how to stretch a dollar.

I am thankful that I know how to really stretch a dollar.

I am thankful that I know when to just spend that damn dollar.

I am thankful to be nerding out in domesticity.

I am thankful to feel at home in the most frenetic city in the world.

I am thankful to feel at ease while being uninsured.

I am thankful to know that being uninsured does not make you unimportant.   And I am thankful for the organizations that are looking out for me because of it:  the Avon Foundation, Planned Parenthood, the Breast Treatment Task Force.

I am thankful for boobs.  Smallish ones, mine in particular, that are (I have just been told) extremely healthy. 

I am thankful that I get to keep my uterus, and that we are, in fact, moving Forward.

I am thankful that I'm occasionally called in to audition in a bathing suit (for reasons that I will never begin to comprehend).

I am very very very thankful that I don't have to do that every single day.

I am very very very thankful that I have never been asked to do anything naked (...professionally...).   Like, holy shit.  How awful.  All I see is that scene in Fame when Irene Cara auditions topless for that film, and that scene in Family Guy when Minnie Mouse does the same...sobbing... ....  

I am thankful for hilarious marketing campaigns.

I am thankful that I have a boyfriend who, for whatever reason, moved here for me.  When I never asked him to.  When he'd been perfectly cozy where he was.  That he packed a few things, grabbed our dog, and that he just did it.

I am thankful that he's found a way to make this Home.

I am thankful that he, for whatever reason, likes me enough to keep my ass in check and call me out when I'm acting bat-shit crazy.  For example:

"Hey.  You only slept for three hours last night.  Maybe don't go for a run, and go back to bed."
"Hey.  You will not get fat if you have one piece of pizza."
"Hey.  You don't even know her, why are you concerned about her opinion?"
"Hey.  Don't work so hard."
"Hey.  Don't try to do so much."
"Hey.  ... ...You're crazy."

I am thankful for our badass apartment.

I am thankful for our badass neighborhood: the awesome diversity of it, the awesome scenery, the awesome location, and our awesome corner bodega with its fluffy weird lathargic cat and $3 deli sandwiches.

I am thankful that we have a CARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

I am thankful that all we had to concern ourselves with during Hurricane Sandy was our PBR-supply, The Money Pit, Best in Show, and season 4 of Breaking Bad.

I am thankful that most of our friends stayed well out of harm's way.  And that the ones who didn't were brought back to normalcy swiftly and fairly smoothly.

I am thankful to know some extraordinarily generous, giving, and beautiful people who have been giving their everything to relief efforts for the past three weeks.

I am thankful that the woman who occasionally sleeps in front of the stairwell to our rooftop hasn't relieved herself there.  Yet.

I'm gonna say it:  I am thankful that I am not poop-shy.  Considering how things went down at our Thanksgiving, I am more thankful for that than ever before. (...  ...What?).

I am thankful that our dog (who is also not poop-shy...) only weighs 75 lbs.  I can't imagine what life would be like having any larger of a lap dog.  

I am thankful to have been raised by the sweetest, kindest, most hard-working and supportive family possible.  A family that has always stressed to me the importance of following a passion as opposed to following a dollar.  I know that they wish that my particular passion were a bit more secure, a bit less unknown and "hurry up and wait", but they've never had any less than 100% of my back.  I could not be more thankful for that.

I am thankful to have never seen a single episode of Toddlers and Tiaras, Honey Boo Boo, or Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

I am thankful to not know a single person attending New York Reality TV School (which, PS, is a real thing).

I am thankful to have so many curious friends.  Friends who are going back to school, switching career paths, moving across the country, eager to seek out new experiences and take risks just because.  Just.  Because.  Goddamn, that's cool.

I am thankful to have realized that my professional destiny was not, in fact, to be an English teacher.

I am thankful that I stood up to not straightening my hair.  Or shortening my name.

I am thankful to every person who has ever referred to me as "flaky", "starry eyed", and/or "too bubbly".  You have made my skin thicker.  Also:  Fuck you very much.

I am thankful for dryer sheets, lilacs, and the smell of burning charcoal.

I am thankful for dirty chai, hot cider, and Jameson--neat, or on the rocks.

I am thankful for new music, funny women, David Sedaris, and The Coen Brothers.

I am thankful for IKEA.

I am thankful for skinny jeans.

I am thankful for men's button-downs.

I am thankful for grad school.

I am thankful for every city in which I've lived.

I'm thankful for every place to which I've traveled.

I am thankful that despite all else--despite an endless amount of pitfalls, despite how hard I tend to be on myself over things that I will never be and never have (and are, thereby, never to be in my control), despite my tendency to have things go completely unaccording to plan, despite the wacky uneven road behind me and the rougher road ahead, I am thankful that I have somehow turned into a bitch that simply won't quit.  Won't.  Who is stubborn, who is resilient, and surprisingly brave.

And I am thankful that despite all else, and despite how frighteningly cheesy it may sound, I am thankful that I am a girl who is, for whatever reason, unabashedly loved.

And I guess that's it.

That's at least what's most important.  And that's enough.