It's nearing the end of the year (WHAT?!) which for me, means two definitive things:
A) ...My Birthday is fast approaching :)
B) I need to start planning my Next Step.
Like most people, the second that the holidays start to explode and Christmas/present-buying (yessssss!!!!)/the New Year become unavoidable, I sit back and start to reflect on what I've done and, therefore, what I need to do next. Soon. ...Pretty much as soon as January 1st happens.
Every year, I feel as if this list of "To Dos" becomes ever so slightly more dire.
Every year, I feel as if this list becomes tremendously more exciting.
And, for the first time in QUITE awhile, I feel as if this list is being equally as devoted to personal stuff as it is professional.
...I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE THE DAY WHEN SUCH A LIST WAS COMPILED!!!!
(It has been. ...Let's see how well we can actually achieve all of this stuff. We can. It's fine.)
The current list is as follows:
*I am funny. ...I think. I can be. But, I'd like to be funnier and kick ass and get cast in things because of said "funny". Hence:
To Do #1: Sign-up for classes at Upright Citizens Brigade.
Get my ass kicked, get shaken out of my head, have a brilliant time--stay there and love it.
If (on the very very off chance that) the vibe at UCB and I don't quite jive:
To Do #1B: Sign-up for classes at The Pit.
Get my ass kicked, get shaken out of my head, have a brilliant time--stay THERE, and love it.
I'm pumped about this. I'm itching to get back into some kind of classroom and itching to get to work at being better at something, and I inherently know that this is 100% the next thing I need to be doing in THAT regard.
(...It is at this moment that I ignore all of the dollar signs that are starting to dance in front of my face.)
NEXT!:
*I have been in the city now for over two years, and I'm represented, which is great..but I'm not satisfied. I want to be getting out there more than I am, and feeling like I have someone who is really playing/pushing for me. I know this kinda deal takes time, supposedly a lot of it, but still. Hence:
To Do #2: Find more/other representation, specifically of the Legit/Theatrical-variety.
Put myself out there, talk to friends, take workshops, shmooze--see what happens.
If no one is biting with this approach:
To Do #2B: Invest in improv classes even harder, & hope that something arises from being there.
Put myself out there, talk to friends, kick ass, shmooze--see what happens.
This Representation-game is stupid, and dumb, and I have a feeling that it might not really ever end (I hope it does, happily...that would be great), and I can be resilient, and patient. I'm good at these things. And I'm thoroughly aware that being Represented is not the end-all-be-all, clearly, obviously. ...But, really. Really really really, I want one. I want to feel like I'm actually playing this game as opposed to just tapping in sometimes.
(...It is as this point that I attempt to tag an extra two days onto every week/extra 5.5 free-for-all hours onto every day.)
NEXT!:
*Whether I like it or not, I'm turning 30 in a little over a year. (...) Three of my girlfriends and I have been talking about taking a "Goddammit, We're 30"-trip for the past two years in an effort to leap into this particular chunk of our lives with a sense of whimsy and liquor-fueled escape. Hence:
To Do #3: Plan this trip. And take it.
...
(It is at this point that I begin to physically bat away the dollar signs that are dancing in front of my face.)
NEXT!:
*I love my headshots, and they've worked for me incredibly well (which is a HUGE sigh of relief)--but I've been sitting with them for awhile, and even though no one in casting/agents/managers/etc. have said anything about them looking dated or inappropriate, it's a thing that I'm starting to think about. Hence:
To Do #4: Assess whether or not I actually need new headshots right this second.
-AND-
(Potential) To Do #4B: Get them taken.
(...It is at this point that the batting of the dollar signs becomes a bit more manic.)
NEXT! (A series of non-negotiables that need no explanation):
To Do #5: Attend grad school classmates' beautiful super fun wedding.
To Do #6: Go home the weekend that wonderful childhood friend is having her BABY!!!
To Do #7: Go back and forth visiting boyfriend. A lot. Considerably more than this past year.
To Do #8: Embark on a series of DIY-projects around the apartment (throughout the winter specifically, in an effort to beat away any semblance of the depression that New York Winter-Dead can encourage).
To Do #8B: ....Hope to uncover the DIY-guru within me, and ignore the fact that my mother never even taught me how to sew a button. ...
(... $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ ...)
NEXT!:
*BOYFRIEND IS MOVING HERE!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! SO IS THE DOG!!!!!!!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYYYYY!!!!!!! HAPPINESS ABOUNDING!!!!... ... This means I need a new apartment.
To Do #9: Find. A new. Apartment.
(...These fucking dollar signs are everywhere. They are FUCKING EV-REE-WHERE!!!!)
Other Things That Would Be Bonuses (Because I Don't Have Much Control Over Them):
To Do #10: Get cast in a show.
To Do #11: ...Or two.
To Do #12: ...Or five.
To Do #13: Get cast in a big fat national commercial.
To Do #14: Wake up to find that my student loans have been obliterated.
Other Things That Would Be a Swell Idea:
To Do #15: Go somewhere just to go somewhere without there being an actual purpose behind it (ie: vacation with Boyfriend, home just to go home...Wegmans...).
To Do #16: Find yet another job/means of supplemental income.
To Do #17: Have a sit-down with Judy Greer and ask if I can play her sister in everything. Always.
To Do #18: ...Freeze my eggs.
To Do #19: Run a half-marathon.
To Do #20: Get a sunburn.
...
...Really, realistically, this is a list that I could continually add things to. For a long time. And very well may, for that matter.
But, the immediate things--the immediate 10ish--are absolute necessities. And it can be an intimidating thing, to look at a list of things that you need to do within "X"-amount of time. I earnestly create these kinds of lists for myself constantly just to stay on point, frequently asking How the shit am I going to do this?
And sometimes, you simply can't do it all. Which is forgivable, and human and, ultimately, fine.
Sometimes, however, you just find a way. Because you have to.
...
To Do #1: Find a way to do all of these things, without excuses, with a little flexibility, and extraordinarily fucking well.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
A Starving Artist Marches Her Band Out. Beats Her Drum.
It aired.
It finally. Freaking. Aired.
After months of crazy anticipation (Am I gonna miss it? Am I gonna cry? Will people think it's dumb? Will I look like an absolute heffer?...IS THIS GONNA BE THE COOLEST THING EVER?!?!), my little baby moment in the sun aired on HBO on Halloween night.
...As in this past Monday, after the happiest weekend of my life when my best friend got hitched and was, incidentally, the most beautiful bride I've ever seen and I was, incidentally, the most ecstatic and heart-happy and nerrrrrrrrrvous Maid of Honor that ever was. Fine.
Coming off of such a weekend, I felt as if HBO could be a perfect little button to a perfect little week.
I hoped.
...
It's funny how when you do these kind of things--take these (what YOU know to be) significant steps in your professional life, or your personal life, or whathaveyou--that there are people just kind of standing by seemingly waiting to pounce and shit on you.
Maybe this isn't on purpose. But just the same.
I'm leaving the gym a week ago and have a text from a co-worker (who I happen to like):
"Hey I gotta tell u something, can u call work when u get a chance? Its pretty important and work UNrelated."
A miniature panic ensued--why WOULDN'T it after a set-up like that?!--and I called straight away.
"Heyyyyyyyyy."
Hi! What's...going on? Is everything ok?
"Welllllll..."
...
"I have something to tell you and you might already know, but I thought you'd want to know in case you didn't. And I wanted to tell you."
OK...
"It's not good."
...
"..That's not the best lead-in, I know, I'm sorry."
Yeah. So...
...
"Someone started streaming your episode online last night."
(...Oh!) Oh! OK.
"Well, we watched it last night."
Alright. That's fine.
"They cut your scene."
...
...
WHAT?!
"Yeahhhhh."
Wait. What do you mean?
"Well. ...You're still in it, you're there." (OK...) "But, you only say one liiiiine."
(... ...Really?)
Actually, I...I only have the one line.
"Oh. ... ...Well, it's like really quick."
Yeah.
"I mean, just like a really fast little clip of you. Like a blur."
...Sure. OK.
"But you look BEAUTIFUL. You're just...you're not there much."
But I still speak? (Right?!)
"...Yeah..."
(Oh.) Then that's fine. That's totally OK if you still see me saying my line. I didn't expect it to be some long crazy epic scene.
"Well, just, no. I know. I just didn't want you to be disappointed."
(HOW COULD I BE DISAPPOINTED?!) I won't be. It's fine.
"But really. It's not much. And I've heard that it always feels different and, like, more on-set than what ends up on screen."
(...What's your point, here?) Sure. But, I knew that going into it, too. And that's OK.
"Oh! OK. Well, I just wanted to be the one to tell you."
...
WHY?!?!
I was so totally confused. Was she expecting me to feel bad about being on a show on HBO having only one line to say? I WAS STILL GOING TO BE ON A SHOW ON HBO WITH A LINE TO SAY!! You would see my face, you would hear my voice...I was featured on the trailer for the episode, how could I POSSIBLY feel bad about that?!
How could I feel bad about taking any kind of step forward?!
And then, of course, I sat back and assessed for a sec--once I finished stomping around and brushed my shoulders off--and thought: Why would she have thought otherwise? Few people outside of this profession understand how many steps you have to take before you can walk out of Obscurity. Cut a girl some slack.
...But don't listen to her.
I still found myself venting to my genius sweetheart lawyer-roommate later that day.
"Ew! Fuck that!"
Right?!
"Yeah. Angela, please. Has she been on TV in any way at all ever?"
No. No.
"Then, fuck it. Don't let her rain on your parade. This is way too exciting."
...
...Even though it is only one line?
"Whoa. Yes. ESPECIALLY because it's one line."
I mean, right. Right.
"...You're not allowed to do that."
Do what?
"You can't knock yourself for a triumph. No matter how large or small. All of these things need to be celebrated, always, and so we are having people over, and we are dressing up, and having drinks, and watching you speak on television. And it's gonna be great."
...Goddammit, I love you. OK.
And so, we cleaned our apartment, got some wine, made hors d'oeuves, put on cute little dresses, gathered some friends, and turned to HBO at 9pm.
That's the role I was originally called in for.
"Oh. Why is that girl so familiar?"
Flight of the Concords.
"Riiiiiiiiiiight. ...You'd be so much better."
You're sweet.
...
"How does your family feel about the Plushie-sex in this episode?"
I didn't tell 'em.
"Ah. OK."
...
"Is that the restaurant? Is that where you filmed?"
It is.
"So. Is it happening soon?!"
I think so...
"EEEEEEEEEE!!!"
...
That's my head.
"That totally is."
...
And then:
"Fire!"
And a girl in an amazing dress shoots up out of a chair. Looking horrified.
FIRE?!
"YAYAYAYAYAYAYYYYYYY!!!!!"
"YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!"
"YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAYAYYYYYYY!!!!"
And then, we rewound it 5 times. And then we all took turns saying it. And then we shrieked some more.
And then my NAME scrolled across the credits as "Female Patron 2", and it was generic as all hell, but it was official.
And that was it. And it was great :)
I can say I've done it, officially--that I've taken my first big girl-step in this particular chunk of my career. And no, it's not the recurring role that I initially went in for.
But it's still exposure. And visibility.
And an IMDB-credit.
And a step.
And I'll take it. I'll take all of it. And revel in my little triumph.
It finally. Freaking. Aired.
After months of crazy anticipation (Am I gonna miss it? Am I gonna cry? Will people think it's dumb? Will I look like an absolute heffer?...IS THIS GONNA BE THE COOLEST THING EVER?!?!), my little baby moment in the sun aired on HBO on Halloween night.
...As in this past Monday, after the happiest weekend of my life when my best friend got hitched and was, incidentally, the most beautiful bride I've ever seen and I was, incidentally, the most ecstatic and heart-happy and nerrrrrrrrrvous Maid of Honor that ever was. Fine.
Coming off of such a weekend, I felt as if HBO could be a perfect little button to a perfect little week.
I hoped.
...
It's funny how when you do these kind of things--take these (what YOU know to be) significant steps in your professional life, or your personal life, or whathaveyou--that there are people just kind of standing by seemingly waiting to pounce and shit on you.
Maybe this isn't on purpose. But just the same.
I'm leaving the gym a week ago and have a text from a co-worker (who I happen to like):
"Hey I gotta tell u something, can u call work when u get a chance? Its pretty important and work UNrelated."
A miniature panic ensued--why WOULDN'T it after a set-up like that?!--and I called straight away.
"Heyyyyyyyyy."
Hi! What's...going on? Is everything ok?
"Welllllll..."
...
"I have something to tell you and you might already know, but I thought you'd want to know in case you didn't. And I wanted to tell you."
OK...
"It's not good."
...
"..That's not the best lead-in, I know, I'm sorry."
Yeah. So...
...
"Someone started streaming your episode online last night."
(...Oh!) Oh! OK.
"Well, we watched it last night."
Alright. That's fine.
"They cut your scene."
...
...
WHAT?!
"Yeahhhhh."
Wait. What do you mean?
"Well. ...You're still in it, you're there." (OK...) "But, you only say one liiiiine."
(... ...Really?)
Actually, I...I only have the one line.
"Oh. ... ...Well, it's like really quick."
Yeah.
"I mean, just like a really fast little clip of you. Like a blur."
...Sure. OK.
"But you look BEAUTIFUL. You're just...you're not there much."
But I still speak? (Right?!)
"...Yeah..."
(Oh.) Then that's fine. That's totally OK if you still see me saying my line. I didn't expect it to be some long crazy epic scene.
"Well, just, no. I know. I just didn't want you to be disappointed."
(HOW COULD I BE DISAPPOINTED?!) I won't be. It's fine.
"But really. It's not much. And I've heard that it always feels different and, like, more on-set than what ends up on screen."
(...What's your point, here?) Sure. But, I knew that going into it, too. And that's OK.
"Oh! OK. Well, I just wanted to be the one to tell you."
...
WHY?!?!
I was so totally confused. Was she expecting me to feel bad about being on a show on HBO having only one line to say? I WAS STILL GOING TO BE ON A SHOW ON HBO WITH A LINE TO SAY!! You would see my face, you would hear my voice...I was featured on the trailer for the episode, how could I POSSIBLY feel bad about that?!
How could I feel bad about taking any kind of step forward?!
And then, of course, I sat back and assessed for a sec--once I finished stomping around and brushed my shoulders off--and thought: Why would she have thought otherwise? Few people outside of this profession understand how many steps you have to take before you can walk out of Obscurity. Cut a girl some slack.
...But don't listen to her.
I still found myself venting to my genius sweetheart lawyer-roommate later that day.
"Ew! Fuck that!"
Right?!
"Yeah. Angela, please. Has she been on TV in any way at all ever?"
No. No.
"Then, fuck it. Don't let her rain on your parade. This is way too exciting."
...
...Even though it is only one line?
"Whoa. Yes. ESPECIALLY because it's one line."
I mean, right. Right.
"...You're not allowed to do that."
Do what?
"You can't knock yourself for a triumph. No matter how large or small. All of these things need to be celebrated, always, and so we are having people over, and we are dressing up, and having drinks, and watching you speak on television. And it's gonna be great."
...Goddammit, I love you. OK.
And so, we cleaned our apartment, got some wine, made hors d'oeuves, put on cute little dresses, gathered some friends, and turned to HBO at 9pm.
That's the role I was originally called in for.
"Oh. Why is that girl so familiar?"
Flight of the Concords.
"Riiiiiiiiiiight. ...You'd be so much better."
You're sweet.
...
"How does your family feel about the Plushie-sex in this episode?"
I didn't tell 'em.
"Ah. OK."
...
"Is that the restaurant? Is that where you filmed?"
It is.
"So. Is it happening soon?!"
I think so...
"EEEEEEEEEE!!!"
...
That's my head.
"That totally is."
...
And then:
"Fire!"
And a girl in an amazing dress shoots up out of a chair. Looking horrified.
FIRE?!
"YAYAYAYAYAYAYYYYYYY!!!!!"
"YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!"
"YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAYAYYYYYYY!!!!"
And then, we rewound it 5 times. And then we all took turns saying it. And then we shrieked some more.
And then my NAME scrolled across the credits as "Female Patron 2", and it was generic as all hell, but it was official.
And that was it. And it was great :)
I can say I've done it, officially--that I've taken my first big girl-step in this particular chunk of my career. And no, it's not the recurring role that I initially went in for.
But it's still exposure. And visibility.
And an IMDB-credit.
And a step.
And I'll take it. I'll take all of it. And revel in my little triumph.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)